Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
