i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
