this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was not drunk enough for that final.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
