I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
