We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
