You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
tell me about the fingering
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