butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
