you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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