I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
