the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize