So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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