Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
