and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do herpes really smell.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
