I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bring me that man meat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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