At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
