At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
