her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
