ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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