I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize