i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
