I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
