so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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