I'm really into asian looking animals
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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