i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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