I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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