i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
