Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
