I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize