she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
