3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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