don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Farmville is her only friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
