You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize