I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
