I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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