kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
