Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
40s are totally the cure
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
