just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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