If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
