You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
