youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize