just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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