There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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