Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
