The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
