I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
