He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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