he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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