they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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