Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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