Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
