do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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