So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize