She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
