my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
