Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
