how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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