Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
