I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
