my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
