Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
