His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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