sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
