Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
