There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
