Sponge bath it is.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
