gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
