Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
