I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
