Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
