i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
