I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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