mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize