we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
