Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
