True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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