and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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