I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
