So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Vodka?
Forever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
