I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
third nipple confirmed
We are all done wearing pants today
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
