i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We need to get me chipped asap
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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