i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
