WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
