Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
