You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize