he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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