As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
