so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
