dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
