Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
