matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
