Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
