I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
