What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
