Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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