the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
