who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
