I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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