Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
