My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
