You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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