Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
